


just say something.

by haibas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, haikyuu! - Freeform, hq, i am so sorry this broke me, idk what else to add bro this is my first ao3 fic i hope yall like it, this is literally so bad i wanna delete it but also not rlly jsbudsqbnwk, tsukkiyama - Freeform, yamatsukki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25840327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haibas/pseuds/haibas
Summary: Tsukishima and Yamaguchi's falling out led them onto two separate paths. It has been five years since they have seen each other. The circumstances surrounding their reunion are anything but normal. So, what next?
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	just say something.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arkstat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkstat/gifts).



Almost five years. Give or take.. right? It had been about five years since the last time Tsukishima saw Yamaguchi. Twiddling his fingers, he waited at the end of the long and empty hallway.

_Where the hell am I supposed to go?_ He had never been inside of a hospital before.

The smell of antibacterial sanitizer mixed with the putrid smell of formaldehyde. Decay, no doubt. _Someone must have just died_ , he assumed, lingering by the entrance to the elevator. _It smells awful_.

Visiting Yamaguchi was something that he had never planned. Ever… especially after that fateful phone call. But that morning, as Tsukishima stirred the creamer into his morning coffee, a string of messages from his old Karasuno teammates had popped into his notifications. It was from the group chat Hinata had made years before. No one ever used it unless someone was updating or alerting everyone about something in the news (Hinata comprised most of the notifications anyway).

It wasn’t like Tsukishima to really keep up with the chat, as he had muted it months prior. Why would he ever want to keep up with something so mundane? However, this string of texts was long… much longer than usual. Hinata couldn’t have just been listing off things, right? It wasn’t like anyone else ever responded anyway, aside from the occasional “Aw! Miss you guys!” from Sugawara or “haha.” from Kageyama.

However, as he opened the chat and read through the first few messages, Tsukishima had to grip the countertop to keep himself from doubling over.

The petite woman in the corner of the kitchen set down her mixing bowl and rushed over to his side. Her hands were layered with flour, leaving handprints on Tsukishima’s skin as she gripped his arm tightly. “What’s wrong, Kei?”

“Yamaguchi Tadashi is in the hospital.”

-

Leaving his girlfriend at home was one of Tsukishima’s favorite parts of the day. As morbid as it sounds, Tsukishima had always valued his alone time… especially after his fight with Yamaguchi.

The two lovers had met through mutual friends at work, and she had confessed her feelings to him before leaving Sendai City Museum for another position elsewhere. However, now that she was unemployed and around the apartment 24/7, the sound of “Kei!” and “Tsukki!” echoing in the hallway began to aggravate him deeply. Tsukishima had long since grown to hate the nickname “Tsukki,” as Yamaguchi had given it to him when they were children. She knew how much it bothered him and would use it when Tsukishima was too quiet for her liking.

After leaving his full coffee cup on the counter and changing into presentable clothing, Tsukishima kissed his girlfriend goodbye and headed out towards the hospital downtown. Was he really about to do this?

-

“Tadashi… Yamaguchi… okay, give me a few minutes and I’ll be back to show you where to go. Visiting will be brief though, his family just left for lunch about three minutes ago.”

As the hospital receptionist walked away from her station, Tsukishima’s thoughts wandered to the last time he and his former best friend had interacted. It was a full blown disaster. Although they had fought before in the past, this time was irreconcilable. He tried to push it to the back of his mind, but the words Yamaguchi had shrieked into his face seemed to be etched permanently into his mind.

_“Tsuk- No. Fuck you, Kei. I never want to see your fucking face ever again, Tsukishima.”_

“Alright, you should follow the hallway down and turn to the left,” the receptionist returned and whispered to Tsukishima. “Room 605, bed A, and make it brief. If they come back, I’ll come and get you.”

Following her instructions, Tsukishima reluctantly made his way down the bustling hallway. There were a considerable amount of people here, much more than the floor he had been on before, and the smell of sanitizer was much stronger with every step he took. He soon arrived to the doorway of 605. Attempting to ignore the smell burning in his nostrils, Tsukishima took a deep breath and creeped into the room.

The bright light coming from the window glared against Tsukishima’s glasses, causing him to grunt as he entered. His eyes made their way across the room, scanning the contents. Vases full of flowers swarmed the corner below a television mounted on the wall. A curtain separated the room in half, and a small occupied bed began to move.

“Tsukki?”

As he turned his head to face Tsukishima, Yamaguchi’s pale face contorted with confusion. Tsukishima stared blankly at his former friend; his body seemed to freeze.

Yamaguchi held out a frail arm. “Tsukki.” Tsukishima did not move.

“Tsukishima, you fucking idiot, are you going to s-say something?”

Hearing Yamaguchi cuss jolted Tsukishima out of his immobile state. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him as he made his way closer to the bedside. He had never seen Yamaguchi this bad before; sure, they had been sick as kids before, but this was different. His skin was pale, eyes sunken and bags prominent, and his lips were extremely chapped. “Tsukki… It’s been so long.”

“Yeah. It has.” Tsukishima mumbled. He settled down into a chair at the bedside. “To be quite frank with you, Tadashi, I don’t even know why I’m here.”

Yamaguchi’s face twisted from confusion to anger. “You don’t know why you’re here?”

Tsukishima’s gaze had moved down to Yamaguchi’s arm. He was so bony now; much of the muscle on his arms - and the rest of his body, for that matter - were gone. Yamaguchi was clearly malnourished, frail, and fading. The IV stuck in his hand was enough to send Tsukishima into a state of shock. What had happened? It seemed so unreal. He realized that he hadn’t even finished reading the thread of text messages from the morning. _Shit._ Hinata or Suga definitely would have said something about this.

“Kei. Are you even lis-listening to me?”

Tsukishima had drowned out Yamaguchi’s lulling stutters. As he glanced up at Yamaguchi resting on the bed, Tsukki’s mouth began to twist into a frown. “No, I’m sorry.”

“Th-that’s the first time I’ve heard that from you. Sorry,” Yamaguchi spit out, shifting onto his back. He struggled to pull the thin sheets up to his chest, letting out a small cough.

“Yams-”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi spat, once again turning towards him. “Five years. It has been five f-fucking years since you last talked to me.”

Tsukishima attempted to swallow the lump forming in his throat. “I know, Yams.” He wanted to scream, cry, anything really, but he knew that it wasn’t appropriate… especially not with Yamaguchi lying there in a hospital bed, barely clinging to life. “I wanted to say something, I I promise.” He glanced back at the pale figure next to him. Yamaguchi’s eyes were welling with tears. The beeping of the heart monitor next to the bed began to pick up speed. “I wanted to, but I was scared-”

“You? Out of all p-people, scared,” Yamaguchi let out a soft snicker followed by three shallow coughs and a sniff. “Right.” He knew this was a lie. Tsukishima had never been scared of anything confrontational before.

“You were my best friend, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi spat. “And now I’m so weak I- I can’t even wipe my tears.” His face had begun to redden and the tears were coming down fast. “What… happened?”

Tsukishima knew, deep down, why he distanced himself after that last fight. The lump in his throat began to sting even more, the wave of guilt attempting to drown him. “Yamaguchi, I-“

“I loved you.”

The pain in Yamaguchi’s voice pierced through Tsuki like a knife to the chest.

“What?”

“I said-” Yamaguchi was clearly choking up at this point. He shifted his body towards Tsukishima once more, lying on his side. “I said loved you.”

“Loved?” Tsukishima echoed the word as Yamaguchi coughed again. However, this time, it sounded rough and wet. Mucus, no doubt.

“That’s what I said, wasn’t it?” Yamaguchi muttered. “But you didn’t love me back. You never did.”

“I never said that.”

“You had to have known. Too s-scared, weren’t you? Did you like it?”

The beeping of the heart monitor picked up pace once again, but this time it caught Tsukishima’s full attention. This didn’t seem normal.

Tsukishima’s eyes stung with tears. The attacks, the vulgarity and firmness in Yamaguchi’s tone… it was becoming too much. “Please, calm down,” he pleaded, reaching his arm towards his former friend. Yamaguchi flinched and coughed once more, blood splattering across the pristine white bedsheets. Tsukishima’s eyes widened as he jumped up from his chair. Was this some kind of sick joke? Where did the blood come from? It certainly couldn’t be from Yamaguchi. No, it couldn’t be. Right?

It took every ounce of Yamaguchi’s strength to utter the final blow. “You really don’t take anything seriously, Tsukki. Get out.”

This was the last straw. Tsukishima’s eyes let the tears flow as he stepped backwards. He wanted to say something, but his throat was itching. This was the first confrontation that he couldn’t handle. As he wiped the tears dripping down his cheeks, Tsukishima turned towards the door and made his way out. What was this? The emotionlessness he had carried throughout his life began to crack. At this point, Tsukki was unable to contain his sobs as he rounded the corner and swiftly made his way to the elevator. He didn’t care for the nurses rushing past or the visitors gawking at him, Tsukishima just wanted to be enclosed into the elevator and cry until he fell asleep.

-

“Kei?”

Tsukishima reluctantly unlocked the door to his apartment and pushed the door wide open. “You’re back so early,” his girlfriend frowned as she made her way towards him. “What happened?”

“I’m in love with Yamaguchi.”

She took a step backwards. “Excuse me?”

“I’m in love with Yamaguchi.”

-

It had been a week since the ordeal at the hospital. His now ex-girlfriend was long gone after the confession, and Tsukishima had spent the past seven days curled up alone in bed, trying to process his previously repressed emotions. Nothing interesting had come from the group chat, and he took that has a positive sign. The few times he glanced over the notifications, it seemed as if Hinata and Suga were responding to each other in the chat. If something bad had happened to Yamaguchi, they definitely would have said something and been more alarmed. Not only that, but Tsukishima really did not have the energy to read through all the notifications he was receiving.

Tsukishima decided to go and make some coffee; he groaned as he pushed himself out of the cold bed. As the beans were grinding in the machine, Tsukishima sat down at the counter and began to pick at his nimble fingers. His mind wandered.

“Maybe I should go back and visit Yamaguchi again,” Tsukki mumbled to himself. He didn’t know if this was the best idea, but he rationalized it by thinking about what would happen if he went back. He could apologize and offer to stay with Yams. He knew he didn’t have a girlfriend. Who would be there with him? Tsukki could be the one to nurse him back to health. Take him home. Stay with him.

A buzzing noise snapped him out of his headspace. Tsukishima’s hands fumbled out towards his cell phone, picking it up swiftly. His frown amplified as he saw the screen. _Kageyama Tobio_.

Why on Earth would _the_ Kageyama Tobio be calling him? He took a few moments to process the absurdity of the event and pressed the answer button on the screen. “Yeah?”

“Oh, you actually answered?” Kageyama’s deep voice was monotone. Not surprising. “I was prepared to leave you a voicemail.”

“What do you want, Tobio?” Tsukishima questioned bitterly as his coffee machine began to beep. He paused. This timing… The dots began to connect. “Wait.”

“Kei,” Kageyama took a reluctant pause. “Yamaguchi died yesterday morning.”

Tsukishima sat at the counter in silence. The coffee machine was still making the beeping sounds, but he was in no rush to turn it off. “No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did, Kei. We all assumed that you knew, but when you didn’t answer the group texts… Well, I offered to call you.”

Tsukki’s heart sunk. Group texts? Had he missed them? There was no way-

“They said his condition worsened about six days ago. They suspected it was a heart attack, but upon further examination, they said it was a stress-induced cardiomyopathy. I think they explained it as… broken heart syndrome? I’m not sure. I was in shock. I’m sorry.”

Tsukishima’s finger hovered over the _end call_ button. His mind was in a million different places at once. Kageyama’s sigh echoed through the phone, “I will update you with any information about the funeral when possible. Kei, I really am sorry-”

The call had ended. Tsukishima pressed his finger against the phone screen and glanced over at the beeping coffee machine.

“Yams” was all he could muster. And this time, he let the tears fall.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this was really angsty i was sad tonight and felt compelled to make something


End file.
